The reason why not everyone is ready to get close to someone right away is the fear that love will turn into pain.
That’s why many loves often die without ever being expressed, and grow cold before they even get a chance to warm up. But those who take risks are also the ones who become good at love. Those who have been broken more than once are the ones capable of loving deeply.
Even when we like someone, we start thinking in our minds, “This person will leave too… and then I’ll be devastated.” That is overthinking.
Once something is completely destroyed, the explosion of it lingers in the mind. The mind becomes afraid to move in that direction again.
“I won’t love anyone anymore” is a defense mechanism. But behind it lies a deep desire – “I wish someone would love me completely.”
Obsession is a truth many people carry in their minds, though few openly admit it. Being obsessed with someone – constantly thinking about them, building a fantasy world with them at the center, and seeing only them – makes it incredibly hard to let go once the bond deepens.
A large part of our emotional energy is invested in that person. So when they leave, we experience a painful vacuum. Moving on from that is like fighting an internal battle.
Like idealization, we often don’t see the person as they truly are, but as the perfect image we’ve created in our minds. We believe they are flawless, and we cannot live without them.
Our minds get attached and begin to associate that person with happiness, hope, and excitement. In a way, it becomes a mental addiction – very hard to break.
The fear of isolation, and the thought “No one will ever love me like this again” can keep us from opening ourselves to future relationships.
When self-worth is tied to someone else’s love, their absence shatters the belief: “I am lovable. I am enough.”
Obsession is a state of excessive thinking about someone or something, an intense desire to possess them, and a need to control their behavior.
Symptoms of possessiveness include:
- Constantly checking their social media
- Thinking about them day and night
- Being suspicious about who they talk to and where they go
- Feeling anxious if they don’t respond
- Wanting them to avoid others
- Feeling insecure and fearing abandonment
- Trying to control their choices
When there’s no communication for a while, you may feel restless, anxious, and afraid the relationship will end.
Statements like “I think about her day and night” or “She talks to other men – that’s not okay” can start taking over the mind, leading to emotional suffocation.
In such a relationship, both partners begin to feel trapped. Anxiety, mistrust, and emotional tension rise.
Obsession, if left unchecked, often turns into possessiveness.
- Obsession is like a candle burning at both ends – it melts quickly.
- Possessiveness is like a tangled rope around your wrist – it chokes both people.
Saying things like “I think about him all the time, and he should not talk to anyone else” only pushes the relationship toward breakdown.
Love is not obsession, nor is it possession.
Real love is freedom built on deep, meaningful connection.
What can be done?
🔹 Awareness – Simply recognizing your obsession is a huge first step.
🔹 Emotional detox – Reduce exposure: photos, chats, songs, and other triggers.
🔹 Creative replacement – Channel your mind into healthy activities like dance, music, travel, or yoga.
🔹 Talk to someone – A trusted friend or therapist can help you unburden your heart.
🔹 Journal – Write down your feelings daily. It clears emotional clutter and brings insight.
Remember:
Losing someone is not always a loss.
Winning yourself back before losing yourself to someone else – that’s a true victory.
Let your mind, once trapped by one person, find the space to open new doors.
Your heart can love again – but first, you must start loving yourself.
Practical mindset shifts:
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If you feel obsessed – build self-awareness and focus on developing independence.
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If there’s possessiveness – work on self-confidence and build trust through open communication.
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